


Just know you're not alone

by Helpneedmorefanfics



Category: Carmen Sandiego (Cartoon 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It, Found Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Sibling Bonding, a bit - Freeform, ah yes she thinks she's killed her brother, also they all join ACME after this, also this is like my fifth found family fic, and no reaction sure, and she pushed chase out a window, because what the fuck was that ending, should i see a therapist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:07:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29200326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helpneedmorefanfics/pseuds/Helpneedmorefanfics
Summary: It's warm, is her first thought when the memories stop flooding in, still staring at the smallest piece of her Russian dolls as she sways forward and Shadowsan searches her face hopefully and then leaps up to catch her. She hadn't realized how cold it was until it was warm.And then she remembers everything else and freezes. What has she done?
Relationships: Carmen Sandiego & Everyone, Chase Devineaux & Carmen Sandiego | Black Sheep, Gray | Crackle & Carmen Sandiego | Black Sheep
Comments: 24
Kudos: 90





	Just know you're not alone

**Author's Note:**

> Shut up this fic is canon now. wtf. they had found family in the palm of their hand and then they said 'no'. wtf.
> 
> also carmen and gray r siblings, sorry i don't make the rules. Title from 'home' by philip philips.

“GRAY!” She screams, jerking away from Shadowsan’s- _warm, familiar, comforting_ \- embrace, stumbling towards the building on shaking legs. She falls almost immediately, and only Shadowsan’s quick reflexes save her from faceplanting into the ground and knocking herself out.

Not that she doesn’t deserve it. Thief, monster, _murderer-_

Twin shouts of “Carmen!” make her look up and there are a man and woman running towards her, one a- a hologram and some part of her brain looks at her and hisses, _Enemy_.

But the hands gently holding her upright don’t tighten, neither to hand her over or run away, and even if her mind is a mess of _trusthimdon’ttrusthimhekilledyourfatherVileliedtoyouhe_ is _yourfather,_ Carmen sees Shadowsan's face visibly change to relief, which means a lot, considering she hasn’t seen an expression on his face a day in her life. 

_Untrue,_ her memories protest, but she bites her lip as the others reach her and shoves it away for another time.

“Chief,” her voice provides for her involuntarily and the woman nods. The man tries to kneel next to her and makes a raw sound of pain and she flinches as the coldness and horror of what she did five minutes ago enters her memories.

“Devineaux!” she gasps, struggling back up and forward and then pulling her hands back at the last moment because she doesn’t know what part of him she hurt when she _used him as a cushion for a three-story fall._

Shadowsan’s hands reach out to steady both of them as they stand and Devineaux says warmly, more warm than she deserves, because she hurt him, she’s a _monster_ , “La femme rouge. Carmen. It is alright. You were not yourself.”

“I hurt you,” she chokes out, tears streaming down her face, hands fisting in her hair. Devineaux shakes his head, murmurs, “It is alright,” in that same caring, worried tone she knows he reserves for Julia, for his friends. Which she _isn’t,_ not anymore, not after the past six months of- “I hurt _everyone_.”

Hands go around her in a warm hug and she melts into it for a moment before she sees the taser on the floor and remembers Gray’s pleading face and the fear in his voice as she zapped him and she tries to get out of the embrace as gently as she can to throw up on the ground.

Two pairs of hands hold her and her hair back and there’s a cold sensation of a hand on her cheek, Chief looking at her and saying something worriedly. She can’t hear it though, over the ringing of her ears, because-

“Gray,” she gasps out wretchedly and Shadowsan steps away with a curt, “I will go and check on him,” and sprints away.

“You don’t understand,” she says, tears blurring the world and making it hard to see, clutching at Devineaux’s arm to keep her upright, even as the man stifles another noise of pain, “I- I killed him. The device was on the highest setting. I’m a _murderer._ ”

She stares at the device on the ground blankly, then snaps out of it when Devineaux suddenly pulls her along, saying determinedly, “We do not know that yet, la femme rouge. That Graham Calloway of yours is more resilient than you think.”

_No one could survive that,_ she thinks as she lets herself be dragged along, feet as unsteady as newborn foal’s, remembering a night just like this in a dig site and watching it almost happen to someone else, _they’re not supposed to._

But she doesn’t say anything as Devineaux walks her along. At least this way she can see the body.

Other bluecoats- _ACME agents_ \- approach them as they reach the door, a platinum-blonde walking towards them with a shake of her head and easily separating the two of them. Carmen has a moment where she thinks she’s going to fall, but a strong hand reels her back in and onto the woman’s shoulder.

“Zari,” She remembers through a fog of lies, “Sorry about Agra.”

Zari snorts. Carmen had kicked her into a marble wall in the Taj Mahal during her crime spree and she hadn’t seen her in the field for a month after. But instead of repaying the act like she obviously _should_ , the agent only hauls her higher onto her shoulder, a much better support than Devineaux- because _she_ had not been _beaten up and kicked out of a window_ -

“Apology accepted, Miss Sandiego,” Zari’s sigh breaks her out of it, “I assume we are going up?”

Carmen nods, desperation seeping back in, “Please, I have to see Gray. He- I- _Please._ ”

Zari nods and then looks inquisitively at Devineaux on her other shoulder. He nods too, saying shortly, “Julia,” and Zari’s eyes widen and they stumble to the elevator faster.

And that’s just another name to the guilt churning within her, another friend who tried not to hurt her and ended up getting hurt instead. God. Fuck. _Jules._

Carmen mechanically tells an agent about the Eye of Vishnu and VILE’s home base and escape routes as the door opens and even the complete stranger shoots her a look of worry and pity as the door closes.

When it opens again, there are three familiar faces waiting.

“Zach, Ivy, Player,” she gasps out, pulling away from Zari’s shoulder towards them like a wild animal. She’s half successful as the agent keeps a tight grip on her waist, which is probably for the best because she would have definitely fallen otherwise.

“Carmen!” the three cry out in unison, and Zari lets go so they can catch her. They do, Zach keeping her from falling forward, Ivy using gentle brute strength to slow her descent, Player with his short, small body wrapped around her tightly like the child she forgets he is, hugging her to them as she loses her balance.

“I’m so sorry,” she sobs out, remembering the fairground, the ferris wheel, kicking Zach to his death, almost drowning Ivy a month later, “I’m so, so sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, Carm,” Zach tells her gently and Ivy chips in, Boston accent as soothing as she can get it, “VILE brain-washed you! It isn’t your fault.”

_But it was,_ she doesn’t say, because Player interrupts her, voice shaking, “We missed you so much, Carmen,” and she has to shut her mouth to not cry.

There’s a noise at the end of the hallway and Carmen tenses up, gathering all her remaining strength, ready to fight until she couldn’t for the three people in her arms, but it’s only a petite woman in a blue outfit, stumbling against the wall with Zari behind her. 

“Jules,” her voice breaks as she recognizes her, memories painful as they flood back in. “I’m-”

“Don’t apologize, Carmen, or I’ll have to rescind your VIP rights at the university,” Julia teases familiarly, clearly injured but still graceful as she kneels next to them, pulling Carmen forward into her arms. “I’m just glad you’re back.”

“Stop,” she says, raw. “Stop it, all of you, I- I’m a _murderer._ ”

Julia pulls back and stares at her in concern and horror, and she can hear a sharp inhale from behind her. Good. They should be horrified. Horrified, disgusted, scared, because she _killed-_

“MISS SANDIEGO!” Devineaux’s voice sounds out from the main room at the end of the hallway. But even muffled, Carmen can tell that there’s no contempt, disgust, horror, but instead the shout is- excited? “GRAHAM CALLOWAY IS ALIVE!”

All the emotions roiling within her freeze in place, shoulders slumping, body going numb. She stares at the end of the hallway blankly, then repeats, unsure of she heard it right “He’s-”

“Come on,” Julia says firmly and she gets pulled to her feet and Carmen blinks, recalibrates and then uses the little energy she has left to run down the hallway, worried shouts of her name behind her, grabbing onto the doorway of the room to keep her upright as she reaches it.

Devineaux waves her over excitedly, Shadowsan kneeling next to him with a familiar blue-clad figure in his lap and Zari checking Gray’s pulse, but even from this distance Carmen can see that he’s-

Breathing. Alive.

The noise she makes sounds inhuman, even to her, but she doesn’t care, moving towards the center of the room. A flash of pain and memories goes through her head halfway there, and her unsteady knees buckle and Carmen falls to the ground. But that’s alright, she can still crawl, still drag herself forward no matter how undignified and insane she must look. Except she doesn’t have to, warm, familiar hands of the people she loves, who love her- _her family-_ pulling her up and helping her forward until she collapses in front of the first family she had. 

“Gray,” she sobs again, trying to pull him into her arms, falling forward instead with the weight as the adrenaline fades, Shadowsan’s arms coming around them and steadying them both. She keens loudly, voice echoing in the empty room, drowning out everyone else’s worried murmurs. Her hands tighten around the other’s unconscious body as the sound of sirens break’s the night air, but not loud enough to cover the shallow breaths from next to her, and she breaks down completely, sobs wracking her body, “ _Gray._ ”

There’s distressed noises from behind her and then Carmen is suddenly enveloped in warmth instead of the cool desert air, being hugged from all around and she cries harder, clutching tighter, arms holding her becoming tighter and she chokes out another, “I’m so sorry,” before she blacks out.

* * *

  
  


Carmen wakes up to the sound of hospital beeping, exhausted, then makes the decision to sleep again to regain more strength. The second time, it’s the middle of the night and the room is empty, which works for her. 

She springs up, grabbing the IV and emptying the blood in it into the sink, doing the same with the ones on the table. She checks her stats and deems herself ready to go, when she catches the words ‘possible memory problems’ and the whole debacle and the past six months and last night- or however many nights ago it was, she doesn’t know how long she’s been unconscious- slams into her and leaves her winded.

When she regains her breath, she’s already walking down the hall, moving as fast as she can to the front desk.

The receptionist’s eyes widen when she looks at Carmen, still in the hospital gown and stands up, concerned, “Ma’am-”

“Graham Calloway,” She says, voice raspy, “Please, I need to know, is he here?” 

The woman wavers for a moment, clearly torn, but Carmen’s half-insane look seems to convince her enough to flip through her screen and search.

“Room 157, but visitors aren’t being allowed inside,” the woman reads out. 

“Please,” Carmen begs, “Please, he’s my- he’s my brother.”

The woman's eyes widen and then crease in empathy- _part of brain capable of empathy subdued,_ her file had read, and she has to make an effort to not gag- and then she gets up and nods for Carmen to follow.

Carmen walks after her, energy present but waning, and accepts the water and food a nurse presses in her hand without argument. She plucks at a stray thread on her hospital gown as the receptionist talks to someone through an intercom, and remembers _hold on tight, don’t let go, I don’t want to hurt you, the only thing I ever regret doing for VILE was hurting you._

Will he even want to see her, after she tried to kill him, she wonders, then snaps to attention as the door opens and the receptionist nods. 

Carmen nearly bursts into tears when a familiar voice rings out, Australian accent strong as he says good-naturedly, “-not by blood, but it doesn’t really matter much, honestly.”

She finds her feet again suddenly and sprints, knocking past nurses and doctors and ACME agents and throwing herself onto the figure sitting in the hospital bed, even as multiple different voices call out variations of “Carmen!”

She’ll deal with them later. “Gray,” she says to him, alive, breathing, hugging her back with a surprised huff, “I’m so sorry.”

“Well, you should be,” Gray says cheerfully, even as people around the room make sharp disapproving noises, “You made VILE faculty and we still had to eat that disgusting porridge for months!”

Carmen laughs wetly and leans against his shoulder and Gray pets her hair like he used to when she had nightmares. It’s a few more moments before she registers everyone else in the room, her family, all rushing forward when she looks at them to fuss over her.

“Before you say anything,” Zach interrupts her as she opens her mouth to speak, “We forgive you, Carm. Don’t need to apologize anymore.”

Carmen swallows and nods, letting Chief tuck her in next to Gray with motherly murmurs, making sure that they both are comfortable. She winces when she looks at Devineaux across them, plasters on, and Shadowsan and the twins all sporting bruises.

Gray smacks her on the arm lightly with the hand around her shoulder, “Calm down, Sheepie, everyone will be _fine_.”

Carmen sags into him and takes a shaky breath, blackness creeping into her vision as she lets the tension go. Over her head, Zach and Devineaux get into an argument about something, and the others pitch in with their opinions, and Chief and Shadowsan are talking in low voices in one corner and Julia and Player are laughing about something on the spare bed besides theirs, and Carmen rubs her tears into Gray’s hospital gown.

“Brother, eh?” Gray says softly to her and she doesn’t think before nodding. He huffs and says, “Sounds nice.”

“How did you-” she yawns, cutting her sentence off.

“Rewired my device,” Gray says, adjusting them so they’re both lying down, Carmen too shaken by the moments where she was sure he was dead to do anything but hold on tight. He holds her close, like they used to when they were orphaned children and the storm and waves outside grew too violent for them to sleep alone. “Gimme some credit, Sheepie.”

“Don’t call me Sheepie,” she murmurs against his chest and smiles at his laugh intermingling with everyone else’s voices as she falls asleep. 

She knows they’ll be there when she wakes up.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
